You, Don Quixote

Don’t you sometimes think that we waste too much time,
and not learn enough about the beauty of life?
What about reading a book, a paper, something good?
All replaced by videos, memes, and ad hooks.

Modern day person is like a Don Quixote,
Fighting windmills of useless postings.
Do I need those shoes, cheap dress, earring hoops?
No, cause they are not worth to have or to lose.

The “New” section of bookstores makes me want to search for noose.
It is all full of 20-something children giving advice on life and foods.
Swiping left, swiping right, getting rid of all that crap,
Searching hard, searching long, I will find the golden word.

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Modern Martyr

Labour martyr burning on a money pyre,
He fought bravely for his credit cards.
Riding loaned horses,
He believed in a happy end.

The only free right is to die,
Suffering is a costly burden for the naked king.
Enjoy while Big Brother supplies borrowed joy,
In grey season all you’ll want is that free service.

Race as long as you want,
The same wall awaits all,
Name – Unimportant, who you are – inconsequential,
Credit line in a bank, contact on a phone.

Represent

I’m stuck here today,
Will waste the whole day
away.
No one to talk to, nowhere
to go,
I listen and listen
to never-ending useless words flow.

Delegations, states, interests
represented.
Wouldn’t be a problem
if the interest would have been
updated.
I’m hearing it today,
heard it before
a year, two, ages ago.
Got anything new to explore?

Pass the floor, pass the
word.
Just please don’t forget to
leave me alone.
Got nothing to say,
breath is being wasted anyway.
I’m passing it on,
Representing uselessness
once more.

Let’s end this forum,
we have nothing to say,
Rome was already built
in a day.
All we do now
is talk and destruct
people’s lives,
people’s trust.
Nothing created,
nothing set.
Simple words filled with regret.

Due diligence needs to be
done.
Let’s see how far we’ve come,
comprehend the emptiness,
and let’s just be
gone.

Lost

Please, please, please let me be free,
I will go up or down,
I don’t care, why should I?

Here comes a day,
When once again
I say I wanna die.

Desperate, but not in love,
I scramble for the last thread of twine
To hold me in place and survive.

Misunderstood, left just to be,
I wail in my lonely misery.

My life wastes away,
I think I can already say
That when I lie struggling to die,
I’ll say we have a tie,
Please, someone, let me re-try.

Laugh at this fool,
Too scared to move,
Had I known her from before,
Would not give her a two-minute thought.

Seeking help is OKAY

Imagine this, you are sitting with your colleague and suddenly conversation turns to a small talk on psychological therapy. The person who you have shared your office and time with for the past couple of years confidently announces that anyone who is going to therapy is a basket case, that is – a mental idiot, psychological invalid, and he knows no such people.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I stayed silent, at that moment I did not know what to say. However, his words have stayed with me for a very long time, sometimes making me angry, sometimes making me question myself, him, people in general. At the end, I did not continue that conversation with him, but I feel that I need to talk about this now.

A while back I found myself feeling worse and worse. I was unhappy with my work and future prospects in the workplace, I felt I made a mistake choosing my profession, and saw no way out. Also, some unresolved issues regarding love and ties with friends have been lingering in my head. And..one day I completely broke down on the phone with my mother, I was hysteric, completely lost, I had no center, no place of my own. That evening was the one when I decided I needed to talk to someone with objective perspective. I called a friend, and asked for a contact of her therapist.

There hasn’t been a day when I regretted picking the phone and making an appointment. I cried and laughed in my appointments, and with each one I could see myself clearer. I understood that I  haven’t been honest with myself for a very long time. Therapy has helped me to build a newer foundation for self-development. One thing must be clear, therapy is not a pleasant excursion. Sometimes it took me where I never wanted to go back to, it is hard work that continues in the chair and outside. But to most questions that I had, I found answers myself. I am out of therapy now, and admittedly I do miss it sometimes, there is always work to do. Now I wear a silver bracelet with a question engraved on it “What do you want?”. It constantly reminds me to stop and just think about where I am, and where I truly want to be, whether regarding a dinner date or something more substantial.

We live in stressful times, everyday I see my friends sad, unsatisfied, lost or straight out depressed from overwork, lack of meaningful relationships, or simply from being unable to see what they really want in life. If anything, these kind of situations and times should make therapy a very common, everyday non-event, but it isn’t so. There are still a lot of people like my colleague, who think that only very sick people or weaklings go to see a specialist, and they are very loud expressing their opinions. Media or public figures are not talking about it too much either.

I want this situation to change, I want people to feel better, feel freer, happier and more in control of their life. People must speak about their experiences, myself included, because only that way we can make sure, that seeking psychological help is seen in the same light as going to a dentist, it’s our wellbeing after all. I must note that my country has a very big suicide rate, and it needs to grow mentally to make sure that people don’t end up on the ledges of bridges looking for help or already being in situation where they only see one solution.

Seeking help is not a shame, but a necessity. By simply admitting that you need help and picking that phone you are already taking back control of your life.

Let’s talk

The time has come when I feel that I have to write to move forward. For a long time I was silent, for a long time I did express myself as fully as would have liked to.

Our time is overly consumed by work, by electronic devices, by commuting. Often not enough time is left to just talk, discuss or simply think in depth.

I don’t want to be distracted anymore, I want to sit down, recall that one random thought I had today while waiting for a bus or sitting in a meeting, and try to expand it, try to analyse it, perhaps learn something or re-discover.

Without thinking, without talking to ourselves we will not grow, we will not develop. The person we must know best is us.

And now I will address you, and that is very presumptuous of me to think there is a You. But if you are here, and you feel like talking, invest your thought with me, and let’s, perhaps, have a conversation.